by Sigrid E. Mortensen
© 2023
When the bones jump in my body
And scrape against each other
Dry chalk on chalkboard
And the screeching of it pours icy fears through my veins
When the body itself is a runaway train
Lassoed by spiderweb threads
Trying to break free
Held still
On the outside
Only by discipline
By training
By habit
But inside urging me to flee
When the bubbles boil and pop
On the surface
And rise to my eyes
And sting
And threaten to spill
And I don’t know why
I don’t know why
I ask
I ask why
And there is no answer
Why
My body feels like a wild thing
Trapped and restless
With nowhere to run
No language to speak
No reason to give
Just pure, chemical reactions
Exploding
Catalyzing
Coursing unchecked
Dominoes tripping each other
Into chaotic destruction
And then
For just a moment
I breathe
And the churning waters calm
And I back away from myself
And I marvel at the sudden ease
I watch it spread from the center outwards
I know all is well
Finally, well
Finally
Okay
And I still don’t know why.